nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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