so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
