Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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