bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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