There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
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