I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
