1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
