No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's rum buckets o'clock
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
