i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
