Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
