my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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