Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
