Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
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i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
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They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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