it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
