the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
