Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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