I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
