you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
