It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
