One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize