Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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