At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
