How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
