I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
