yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
