My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
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