I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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