I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
