I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
