I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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