my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
