I'm gonna have a badass scar
I want to have your abortion
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
