Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Randomize
