How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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