you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Randomize
