yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
