She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
