then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
