my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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