this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
