i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
