She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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