would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
