We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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