Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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