i jhust puked up my retainher.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
