Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
