Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
