Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
