The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
