If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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