oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Last time i carry you out of a forest
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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