Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
