Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
