I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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