She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
