i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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