I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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