dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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