The maid of honor just puked.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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