whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
