I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
