someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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