guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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