I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
