I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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