Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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